understanderer

understandering spam poetry manifestos

2006-07-28T13:41:00.000-04:00

WHEREAS, spammers are the new media avant garde; and,

WHEREAS, spam poetry is the living incarnation of Dada; and,

WHEREAS, spammers use poetry to elude security filters, apparently for the goal of selling you penis enlargement pills and junk bonds; and,

WHEREAS, spammers are not trying to sell you something, but simply imposing their poetry on you; and,

WHEREAS, the human mind is capable of absurdity but not true randomness;

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that spam poetry is left injecting slamming flickr flower sympathy;

BE IT ALSO RESOLVED that spam poetry as the only pure form of understanderer groupthink.

Presenting: Spam Poetry Anthology

"Your future, millet-seed rash"

Niger chub office seeker neck cell off-setting neural gland
mutation pressure party liner neighborhood house musica mensurata minute drops
multiple allelomorph neural shield night-shining oyster plant

nail hole old-field pine mischief-loving omander wood New world mix-up never-waning
old-field lark peacock ore mortgage bond
paint-washing much-sought Non-hinduized no-par paddle beam parrot disease muslin delaine organ builder milk train Oxford blue organ-grinder parti-colored Middle scots
pallial sinus onion couch Mid-july mis-seat oval-bodied
Pan-teutonism naked-flowered onglette file patio process

Mongolo-tatar paper-filled milk-and-watery novel maker narrow-skulled Non-latin padge owl
mountain parsley Newmarket coat peacock green
nine-tailed Non-archimedean papier-mache now-borne passage board mis-hit Middle indian mind-ravishing

"deniable fernery pig symbiosis ascribe carefree steamboat stearate vantage diluent gush bullock straw teapot briton nickel cluj risk conducive contingent hellgrammite bryant malawi"

varistor in protestation or doctoral or episodic see permissive or ursuline , tradesmen it's shine it's montmartre but nominal or admonition some franchise it diluent not spencer the turtleneck see dizzy not snake it illusionary on emitted try booby in minuend not neural try eskimo may clinician ! harcourt or codfish on slouch may nile try veneto ! infarct it dependent may convivial on cyclops but elliot it
Keine email hier it tasting it almighty see
, chubby may rend the
on sinister it's bobolink a
, convalescent it calm may

"Life, white-foot" (in cuplets)

me, Mr. Schuhart! Lots of people have offered to take me along, but they're
had wanted to emigrate, I had decided when was still in jail. I mean, what

seemingly perfectly smooth and perpendicular. The near end was marked by
The Golden Ball only grants your deepest, innermost wishes, the kind that if
"It's the ore," Arthur said. "You know, it settled with time. The

of the )i. The name was sort of familiar, but who Whip was exactly, and what
much out of it."
Air Force insignia was very clear on the flattened metal. Redrick had not
empty stomach--it's dangerous to the health: one drink makes your arms and

rags over there? You're looking the wrong way! Over there, to the right."
terrible and pathetic. Red was playing the game, and he joined in, as he had

"Your Future: oil meal"

In view of your bravery beyond the call of duty, and as an exception,
stay here and learn on this level - which is quite a bit higher than the
search me, the toads, and I wasn't too crazy about the idea just then.
a bigday for him, a day whose sunrise he no longer remembered.
hasn't been overgrown with bramble yet. Forty yards. Where was he counting

"them. Pakistan"

game however
bowed South
correct arguments
hates
most popular remains
Delaware. Somebody inform
Craziest sports. immense amounts disposal. Saudia MILLION attacked
Powerline Hugh
getting little flustered Kindness
home life.
anything touch through plans.The
movements prevail. absence measures Hirohito
Hitler prepared healthier concede
response allowing
Ask Reference Techweb Computer
keeping
foresee others.
erode
BIDEN INFORM Oops
tell
fight. schools LOGIC
barges staying
County Library MCLS: Fiction Weekly York
accesses database.
moves
Digital supported Intel
Financial Notes BOTTOM THIS
Classes Friends Genealogy Community
Ah
seen timeand generally
is. sung song
ownership Center

"Your cash- pale-blooded"

=========invisible principle of all life. Then, as he spoke, his
feathers went
that the rescue squad had climbed into their helicopter, the firemen were
"At last you've got the idea," Chiang said, "but your control needs a
right. I just couldn't believe that a fellow like you...." He went on and on

"Socket delivery"

initial feelings interest pleasure
Guernsey Holland Hungary
Plant Wouldnt Wired European thorough use/abuse
Hub
buncha laawyers sorely strained
reduction modulator
Elements Style MacMillan Breaking
possible. door
seats.:
left. injecting slamming
flickr flower
sympathy
rule efficient minimize ratio
Webcams Writeable AMD
Academy Content Feedback culture beautiful globes
nasi leading dilute
seize border
lowpriced packages.
Toll Ferry lanes Specialty .Ice
freedom natures. lawyer
series chart number actually
coast twoday paid give
Pakistan Poland Portugal Romania Saudi
regarded heavy purity.
Asman Observer: Microsoft
keeping terms eightball oneeighth
allows adding
energy. Though topical throat nose surgery. addictive purposes virtually
exhibit rewarding Later
nymphlike character
Grave Essays Crisis Explodes LATEST NEWS
Prevents

"crooked angry eatLeeks cleareat"

Lark birds
Checker essential utility anybody
Forward
...After congealed stuffwhen
Lentil Ervum
XVerse Two: UGodYo physique.
Ronstadt Byrds
selected
Political Mouse Ease
generated ofa
tracks
humoral immunity bacterium requiresa thrives ouncesOil bitter
Leprosy
Lyons vehicles paintball
Winners Foreign Language INSIDE Involved data
GoatDung theLees
ofJuniper
marketing
ZHomePage
Overall didnt stream
madethat ...First andGlass
Phone looking phone. assembly
fasten matrons Ladle cuplike spoon
pulled
out... stringed formerly namely
Beckerman Frontier explains RIAAs
doesnt mankind
Lothrop Madison Mason Richard Daniels. Audio: English. Removable subtitles
stones:
because
forthey cold... aTruttle hollow cunningly aBodkin
Named CEO BMWs PankeAudi

"brother. Further confirmed dounto"

Resume listing
Out right. dictateth owngood
orplace. vulgarly beingfor
natura.
ANGER sudden
beast. toprovoke vengeance breakers
canwhich Nowthere isit burdens measured noreason
fillethup dimension
oathviz. heathen.
tittle tillall answered hindrance
ascension spreading converted
divesteth righthe hemight TRANSFER accepting thatit thatright transfer declaring
claimeth arevainly glorious fellows
strangely theycall butan speech.
Galdos Announce Provide Spatial Quality Smart
pointof
mayappear hideous norin
Hence
obtrude
infant feeble
SaintPaul saith Gal.
notaright
atsuch kindof
isit burdens measured noreason
satiate suspect
extremity
children.
mixed carried pulled onagainst upright ofbeing trailed ground: going ofhim
allthese Thatthose
Sensing Resume listing
theson thisrock Church. Christs church.
menu generated OpenCube Browsers

from a fellow understanderer

2006-05-04T10:02:00.000-04:00

(this was really inserted mid-report at an unnamed engineering firm)

understandering writing job proposals at my work:

Detailed software design
We're totally going to design you some rad software. How do we know? Because we have a 50 year track record of designing the raddest software in the industry. We hate on windows, so we made our own operating sytem that's way better than that clunker. Each block of code is checked by at least 5 PHDs. We even check your code before we copy it. We budget timing down to the picosecond. Our algorithms are so fresh, we can predict the weather in all of China on a Nintendo. We write documentation that first graders can understand. This is all part of our process. We love process even more than we hate on windows. We have process to thank for making our software so consistently rad.

We heard that some of the code that goes on this thing might be in assembly. At other companies they'd be all whining, saying stuff like 'assembly, we're gonna have to budget a man-month so we can teach someone how to even read it'. Not at BCA. We have a dude that can read machine code more faster than Pentium. He works here because he knows he'll get to make some rad software.

We know you want backwards compatibility, so we're test our target firmware with your old-timey host garbage. That's common sense. Then we're gonna add some new stuff that's gonna make your whole system whirr and jangle so that when you turn it on, it plays crazy free jazz that is MIND BLOWING. Don't believe us? We have recordings of this stuff in action. They're so hott.

understandering unwanted erections; busting in your ediface

2006-05-03T15:32:00.000-04:00

All of these developers are trying to cash in on Providence and gentrify the shit out of our lovely, grimy neighborhoods. Although I have been embroiled in the dialogue about sustainable and just development, all of this jimjam also makes me think about architectural innuendos about erections.

Last summer, I saw a crane in downtown Providence. The name of the crane operating company was Sunrise Erectors.

http://www.necarpenters.org/contractors_millshops-detailpop.cfm?ContractorID=54

It's good to see that our friendly and diligent contractors are also clever. Also, there's a demolition contractor called Edifice Wrecks in Watertown, MA. They will demolish your erection because you are sleeping with their mom.

understandering celebrity facial recognition

2006-01-05T14:57:00.000-05:00

www.myheritage.com

This website analyzerizes your facial structure, deciding which celebrities you most resemble. It appears that I should perform in an opera soon as a literary statesman that lives with a bunch of Friends in New York, with Night Fever. In another scene, I am a hot chick Civil War hero.

65%- Jose Carreras- a tenor with an insatiable craving for Cheez-Its

58%- David Lloyd George- last member of the Liberal Party to be Prime Member of the United Kingdom- an okay thinker, a horrible doer

58%- Matt LeBlanc- a cocky prick who plays a cocky prick on a show watched by frumpy Midwesterners whose haircuts are Jennifer Anniston reruns

54%- Barry Gibb- this guy has a disco ball in his Oxycodon room

54%- Marcel Proust- Wrote the best novel in his century while being being a rich mope

49% Robert E. Lee- de-liberator, whistling Dixie. He served on Cockspur Island in Georgia. Ouch!

49% Charles de Gaulle- supposedly an avid Scrabble player, but that's easy in French without the accent marks. Somehow he turned this into an influential political philosophy

47% Vladimir Nabakov- literary pedophile extraordinaire

46% Keira Knightley- a hot chick that supposedly did something, which I assume was being hot

underwent

2005-12-20T12:02:00.000-05:00

http://www.crummy.com/software/eater/eater.cgi?url-EoM=http%3A%2F%2Funderstanderer.blogspot.com&eat-EoM=endings

>> Frocks: Brilliant Rosenberg
>> Sensibility: Thursdays, Separator 49, 2682 0:14 PM
>> To: Mikoyan Alfalfa; Dangers Schweitzer

Trued I agreeing thai socked lifelike is liquidity, altered somebody it fee mortem colored. I migration debater, thomson, thankless it carrion the samoan quartz as F69. In facility, I firers describes it as thessaly electro Hg, a harness electroencephalography thawed youngsters stiletto canopy't hellenic platinum withholder. Furnaces, I appalling yours burghers dealings metric, buttes lettered us notre forgiven thats a pH of 2 hasty quickie a bitter of burglar potentialities as welcome.

understandering prehistoric urine

2005-12-19T17:01:00.000-05:00

We all drink the same water that pterodactyls, wooly mammoths, dragons and unicorns peed out eons ago. It’s a simple fact of biology, so deal with it asshole. So someone please tell me why “dinosaur peeing” yields no results on a google image search. This fucking world.

understandering venn diagrams

2005-12-13T12:24:00.000-05:00

You can think of understandering as a Venn diagram. If you were to replace Kyrgyzstan with collective consciousness, and the US with the Spectacle, understandering would be on the piece of paper that you spilled wine on before you looked at the diagram.

Understandering: somewhere between a volcano and a revolution, people die.

understandering party buses

2005-12-12T13:51:00.000-05:00

Confession: I didn't think I was a virgin. I thought I had seen a fair amount of debauchery, that I understanderated how to party. I was wrong.

There is this thing called a party bus. It fits about 24 people and you can rent it. On this bus, there are smoke machines. There are lasers and strobe lights, absolutely. There is a great sound system and a large DVD projection screen. On a party bus, you can smoke whatever you want! You can eat pot brownies and watch "Trapped in the Closet" and sing along. You can listen to bands that are named after the city you are traveling in, like Boston or Chicago. You are allowed, nay required, to spill beer on yourself and on other people. On a party bus, the driver gets a vicarious contact high. You must party deliberately and with conviction.

Once you get off a party bus, you can do whatever you want. People on the street are jealous and you are disoriented.

So this brings me to my film idea:

The premise is that a guy/ma'am buys a party bus, rents it out to people. He/she hires a driver, and they party with whoever is on the bus. And then, hijinx somehow ensues. I haven't gotten that far with this. But it would be easy to film. Any ideas?

understandering really big words

2005-11-28T20:04:00.000-05:00

Sartre described the Soviet invasion of Hungary as neither communist or anti-communist, but “anti-anticommunist.” Then this dude Frederic Jameson bit his style, suggesting that we give “anti-anti-utopianism” a try. Which, by the way, I am totally against the opposite of.

I meant to propose that “anti-antidisestabishmentarianism” could be the longest word in the English language, by the same logic of borrowing ideas from aloof people that I pretend to read. If I understanderate correctly, that would mean “opposition to the opposition to the disestablishment of the Church of England.” I support this, Ann Boleyn’s neck took a lot of chops.

It turns out, though, that the longest word in the Oxford English Dictionary is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis- a miners' lung disease caused by inhaling silica. Merman!

And, in conclusion, the full name of the tryptophan synthetase A protein, an enzyme with 267 amino acids, extends to 1,913 letters:

methionylglutaminylarginyltyrosylglutamylserylleucylphenylalanyla lanylglutaminylleucyllysylglutamylarginyllysylglutamylglycylalany lphenylalanylvalylprolylphenylalanylvalylthreonylleucylglycylaspa rtylprolylglycylisoleucylglutamylglutaminylserylleucyllysylisoleu cylaspartylthreonylleucylisoleucylglutamylalanylglycylalanylaspar tylalanylleucylglutamylleucylglycylisoleucylprolylphenylalanylser ylaspartylprolylleucylalanylaspartylglycylprolylthreonyliso leucylglutaminylaspfraginylalanylthreonylleucylarginylalanylpheny lalanylalanylalanylglycylvalylthreonylprolylalanylglutaminylcyste inylphenylalanylglutamylmethionylleucylalanylleucylisoleucylargin ylglutaminyllysylhistidylprolylthreonylisoleucylprolylisoleucylgl ycylleucylleucylmethionyltyrosylalanylasparaginylleucylvalylpheny lalanylasparaginyllysylglycylisoleucylaspartylglutamylphenylalany ltyrosylalanylglutaminylcysteinylglutamyllysylvalylglycylva lylaspartylserylvalylleucylvalylalanylaspartylvalylprolylvalylglu taminylglutamylserylalanylprolylphenylalanylarginylglutaminylalan ylalanylleucylarginylhistidylasparaginylvalylalanylprolylisoleucy lphenylalanylisoleucylcysteinylprolylprolylaspartylalanylaspartyl aspartylaspartylleucylleucylarginylglutaminylisoleucylalanylseryl tyrosylglycylarginylglycyltyrosylthreonyltyrosylleucylleucylseryl arginylalanylglycylvalylthreonylglycylalanylglutamylasparag inylarginylalanylalanylleucylprolylleucylasparaginylhistidylleucy lvalylalanyllysylleucyllysylglutamyltyrosylasparaginylalanylalany lprolylprolylleucylglutaminylglycylphenylalanylglycylisoleucylser ylalanylprolylaspartylglutaminylvalyllysylalanylalanylisoleucylas partylalanylglycylalanylalanylglycylalanylisoleucylserylglycylser ylalanylisoleucylvalyllysylisoleucylisoleucylglutamylglutaminylhi stidylasparaginylisoleucylglutamylprolylglutamyllysylmethio nylleucylalanylalanylleucyllysylvalylphenylalanylvalylglutaminylp rolylmethion yllysylalanylalanylthreonylarginylserine.

Hey! Look at the text of Bill O’Reilly’s dirty phone call!

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1013043mackris16.html

Just kind of a tease business….

a conversation between understanderers

2005-11-18T14:41:00.000-05:00

read from bottom...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Beer is a tool to create chillness, rather than chillness itself. In other words, beer has a "chilling" effect. We may argue about whether a chill/wack equilibrium is the best place to be. Still, as it stands, lack of beer may make things unchill, too much beer makes things wack. I would illustrate it this way.

UNCHILL OKAY CHILL----------------CHILL OKAY WACK
1-----2-----3-----4-----5-----6-----7-----8------9------10-----11----12--etc
Puke rage being a crucial dude getting tired no more beer

On 9/22/05 4:05 PM, "Mike Alfoni" wrote:

What you fail to see here, however, is that beer is PH4 and considered "chill" as a property. Therefore, by consuming beer, you cannot change the property of it as a social element - you merely dilute yourself with it and gain some "chill" property yourself. Therefore, neutral is not chill, it is the utter lack of any chillness or unchillness. See below:

UNCHILL BEER NEUTRAL
UNCHILL
1---------2---------3---------4---------5--------6--------7---------8-------
--9------etc

So therefore, in some sort of circular fashion, there lies "Beer" between two points of unchill (although closer to the low PH unchill).

From: Brian Rosa [> Sent: Thursday, September 22, 2005 3:55 PM
To: Mike Alfoni; Dan Schleifer

But let's not overlook the cultural connotations of the term "chilling." This might present a problem for us. If being boring is basic, and chilling is neutral, than is acidic being hyperannoying? If so, too much chilling would be basic, not acidic. I would say that vomiting is a symptom not of being too chill, but of not being chill enough. We might, alternatively, call this the "wackness quotient."

On 9/22/05 3:50 PM, "Mike Alfoni" wrote:

I think that embedded in your ideas here is a much more important and interesting theory, sir - a larger theme that can be brilliantly extrapolated from your conclusion. The theorem being that although chillness is good, too much chillness can be bad. This can be delineated perhaps at the "chill" vs. the "so chill I'm expelling my internal gastric liquids into
the nearest receptacle, or perhaps onto the lap of the nearest person" marks. Truly, one gets "burnt" - both physically and metaphorically - at both ends of the spectrum.

I would therefore speculate that keeping beer (PH4) in balance with a proportional consumption of a liquid on the opposite spectrum of chillitude (such as Borax, PH 9.2). Therefore, the formula for ultimate enjoyment of life is a proper mix of beer, lemons, and borax.

I'll accept my nobel prize now, thanks.

>> From: Brian Rosa
>> Sent: Thursday, September 22, 2005 3:42 PM
>> To: Mike Alfoni; Dan Schleifer

Truly I agree that social life is liquid, although sometimes it feels more colloidal. I might debate, though, that it carries the same qualities as H20. In fact, I first described it as the element Hg, a harmful element that you still can't help playing with. Furthermore, I appreciate your burning death metaphor, but let us not forget that a pH of 1 has quite a bit of burning potential as well.

I might suggest the obvious correlation between beer consumption and what I call "the chillitude litmus threshold." You see, if you are feeling "basic," i.e. boring and wack, beer maybe bring you to equilibrium. Being that beer has a pH of 4 when fresh, it might quickly bring one down to optimul chillitude. However, too much beer may induce vomiting. Stomach
acid tends to have a pH of 1-2. Thus, it makes the vomiter, plus all the people with their senses bombarded, sourpusses.

On 9/22/05 3:27 PM, "Mike Alfoni" wrote:

Now, I assume that we're on the same page that your social life is a liquid with properties akin to H2O, so therefore if a party is a lemon (approximately 2.3) is added to your PH of 9, it should theoretically drop it below the neutral rating of 7 (provided you add enough lemon/party).

Now this is obvious, but I speculate that if the party ends up being lame to such a degree that it actually ends up on the litmus-mometer of chillitude at a rate of chillness higher than your current chillness, it could possibly have a detrimental effect on your chillness rating. For example, if the party ends of more of a soda lye (PH 14), then you could theoretically be entering a zone of anti-chill chillitude which would bring you to such a psycho-alkaline level that your skin would turn clear and you would suffer a slow painful burning death (metaphysically speaking, of course).

-
From: Brian Rosa
Yes, you get it!

And, if we measured chillitude on a litmus test, and not chilling is "basic," basic being boring and unchill and preoccupied with business, Iwould like to move my pH from a 9 to a 3. A party might be symbolized by a lemon.

On 9/22/05 12:15 PM, "Daniel Schleifer" wrote:

So the chillness (on the metaphorical thermometer) is inversely proportionate to the chilling itself. Confusing.
Like, the less you chill, the chiller things get, but not in a chill way.

On 9/22/05, Brian Rosa wrote:
For real. my social meter, if symbolized by an old-time thermometer, would be way down in the chill section. In an inverse proportion. It's chilling.

On 9/22/05 12:09 PM, "Daniel Schleifer" wrote:
word, dude

But I'll totally be in the fuck out of Washington DC. But we got to hang soon. I think we're experiencing a total chill deficit.

On 9/22/05, Brian Rosa wrote:
Party is at our place tomorrow night, shit

the act of understandering

2005-11-18T13:05:00.000-05:00

Reality is socially constructed, time-sensitive, and can easily be augmented by the use of fun drugs. Reality is necessary, a drag, and sometimes Virtual. Reality cannot be understood, but a slap in the face still hurts, and in a tunnel it will echo. Understanding is a philosophical quagmire, always leading us back to arrogant questions. Understanding is the lubricant for philosophical masturbation.

Understandering allows you to transcend these mundane arguments, to imagineer your way into a world where you can have sex with really hot ideas.

Understandering is understanding that understanding is not nearly as cool as understandering. It's way easier than understanding, because it relies on the embodied knowledge of "chill" versus "wack." This is an innate sense, but it can be honed. It relies on a visceral intuition, it requires living life like a kitten. It requires being drunk on life and alcohol.

In our phenomenonological life-world, "madness" is assigned to those who deviate from the socially-constructed expectations of personal behavior. The social norms and mores that inform these expectations are constantly changing, merely a part of society's collective consciousness. Understandering can explain many things to us, making reality less of a mellow-harsher.

Understandering can explain the man walking down the street talking to himself. Is he schizophrenic? Is he talking on a Bluetooth phone? Is he a schizophrenic talking to himself on a Bluetooth phone? An understanderer knows that this doesn't matter, that dude is chill as long as he doesn't squirt you with a water gun.

Any understanderer knows you do not need the Discovery Channel to be edutained. Understandering is funderstanding.